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Honey, I know youre busy giving the kids those nutritious sodas..but, have you seen my hat?

"Honey, I know you're busy giving the kids those nutritious sodas..but, have you seen my hat?"

I am not a morning person.   My husband knows this.  Yet, despite this well-known fact, I am often awaken by him asking me questions…lots of questions.  It’s usually a one-sided conversation:

“Honey, where is my brown braided belt?”

I mumble from under the covers, “in your closet.”

“Oh, yeah.  There it is.”

(a few seconds pass)

“Honey?  I hate to wake you up again, but have you seen my black socks?”

I now gingerly lift my head from the pillow and scowl at him as I reply, “Your socks are in your sock drawer.”

He opens his drawer…and….Voila!  The black socks are there.

This exchange goes on and on…until I am fully awake and must stumble down the stairs to make breakfast for our three children.  I could’ve slept another precious half hour because my children are still sleeping.  However, this is impossible because I’ve had to find things.

Things that are easily found…if only he would look.

I decided to take a different approach this morning.  I was comfortable in my bed.  I didn’t have to go anywhere this morning and my children were all still snoozing at 6:00 a.m…..when the onslaught of questions began.  Today, I waited a full minute to answer my husband when he asked where his brown loafer was.  Within seconds, he found the other shoe in his closet….right next to the shoe he was holding.

I then looked up from under the pillow that I had pressed against my head and exclaimed,

“You need to familiarize yourself with our home.”

I went on to say, “Your shoes are in your closet….your socks are in your sock drawer….your shirts are hanging in your closet….toothpaste is in the middle drawer…..shampoo is in the shower….and all of the cold perishables are in the fridge.  Don’t wake me up again.”

I’m not Sacagawea, for Pete’s sake.  Our home isn’t so large that you need a map with a little arrow that states, “You are here.”  Things are fairly organized and put in the most logical places.  I just don’t know what happened in a matter of ten years to make my husband believe that he can no longer find things without my assistance.  I’ve asked other women this question and they are as dumbfounded as I am.

I thought I would be sassy and give him a chart of locations and items like the kind you find at the grocery store….but, that would just end up being more work for me.  It’s not like I don’t have anything else to do with three little boys all under six years old and a mountain of dirty laundry that rivals the size of Mt. Everest.

I guess if that is the only thing that I fuss about, that’s not too bad.  I just hate giving up ten extra minutes of sleep to help him find a belt that is hanging right in front of him….in the closet…where he took it off the night before.

Maybe I should reconsider the chart…and a map?

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Now, that's what I'm talking about...

Now, that's what I'm talking about...

Sometimes the best things in life are free.  I’m not sure who said that or if it is the lyric in some Beattles song…but, it’s true.  My husband asked me what I would like for Mother’s Day.  I could think of a few things that are totally unrealistic right now:

A cream colored Volvo C70, a diamond Tag Hauer watch with a platinum band, a trip to London,  decent looking shoes to fit my ginormous narrow feet,  world peace and an end to famine

….you get the drift.

However, these are all things that I won’t be given any time soon (at least not with private school tuition looming in the future for three kids)…and the shoes are a lost cause.

I honestly couldn’t think of anything that I couldn’t live without.  I could think of some really cheap (or totally free) gifts that I would adore:

1.  A nap:

Seriously.  I would love to take a nap…by myself….for any length of time that I should need to get recouperative sleep.  Of course, if I were to really get this much-needed REM sleep, I may not wake up for several days.

2.  The laundry done:

I would love to walk into my laundry room, for once, and not see piles of clothes on the floor.  With a husband and three small boys, I feel like I am constantly doing laundry.  In fact, my dryer has begun to squeak.  I think it’s probably time for a new dryer.  UGH.  The thought makes me shudder.

3.  The house cleaned:

So, I’ve gotten Maid Brigade from time to time…maybe twice a year.  It’s not often enough for me.  I’m the one who cleans our house.  I’d love it if I could just go take a nap and awaken to a house that is clean and smelling like lemon Lysol.  However, I think this a fairytale complete with little mice that sew ballgowns and a fairy Godmother that turns pumpkins into stagecoaches.

4.  An hour long uninterrupted phone conversation:

My best friend lives over 500 miles away.  We talk on the phone 3 or 4 times a week.  Unfortunately, our conversations are often interrupted by someone needing to go “potty,”  children fighting, or someone needing “Mommy” for some reason or another.  I’d really like to curl up on my sofa and just catch up with my best friend  for an hour.  This seems to be impossible.  My children aren’t even interested in talking to me…until I pick up that phone receiver, then I am the most popular person in the world.

5.  An afternoon with NOTHING to do:

Is this even possible?  I’m the kind of person that constantly keeps “to do” lists.  For one day, I’d like to take my list and throw it in the trash.  I’d like to spend an afternoon at an antique mall or at Sephora, trying some new lipsticks.  Maybe a pedicure would be nice?  This is definitely something that I could do for myself.   It’s all about scheduling, right?

See?  Somethings in life are free.  My son drew a picture for me for Mother’s Day.  He drew me with big round eyes and a brown nose.  My hair looks like two antennae on top of my head.  My son is 5 years old.  I think he did a fantastic job and I love my picture….even if I look like a big blonde bug.  I’m thinking about framing it.  He worked so hard on it.  I love it.

My husband is still wondering what to get me.  I think I’ll tell him about this list….and start with #1.   A nap would be nice….

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