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MoNique in Charm School

Mo'Nique in Charm School

I confess.  It’s terrible.  I’ll come clean….I’m addicted to trash t.v.

My husband and I ban certain shows from the general t.v. viewing area (so our kids will do other things in lieu of becoming couch potatoes and learning bad stuff).  Even my husband has pretty good taste in his television viewing habits (History Channel, Iron Chef America, This Old House).  Well, I should say that he doesn’t really spend much time watching t.v.  In fact, we both don’t sit down to really watch any television show from start to finish.  We’re always doing something.  However, I manage to find some show to watch while I fold the laundry, etc.   Trash t.v. can be excellent entertainment.  Seriously.

Charm School, Girls Next Door, Rock of Love…I wish I could say that I follow CSI, 24 or Lost. That sounds so much better than saying that I plan to watch Bret Michaels choose some skank to spend an hour with in a hottub on his show, Rock of Love.  Don’t even get me started on the reruns of Flavor Flav’s version of “The Bachelor”, entitled “Flavor of Love.”  It was just too hilarious to watch Flavor Flav rename all of his contestants with the most atrocious nicknames (Pumkin, Deelishis, Hoopz, Thing 1, Thing 2, Toasteee…you get the idea).   I guess the years Flavor spent touring has done a real number on his brain, so he needed nicknames to tell the women a part.  It was simply disgusting watching Flavor actually kiss these willing participants.  It was like a car accident that you don’t want to look at, but you find yourself craning your neck to get a look at the spectacle.  I especially couldn’t tear my eyes away from the screen during one episode of Flavor of Love when Pumkin spit in the eye of one of the contestants, New York (Yes, that is a nickname).  My husband says that I have a very sick sense of humor.

I also think I have been morbidly curious about the Girls Next Door starring Hugh Hefner’s three platinum blonde (under 30) girlfriends.  I find myself watching that show in complete amazement that three women could bare to “share” a home, cars, and a “boyfriend” (although I use that term loosely).  It’s hideous…and yet, I’ve been known to watch it.

However, my all time favorite “trash t.v.” moment came a while back during an episode of Charm School with Mo’Nique.  Mo’Nique is the “headmistress” of a charm school of sorts.   This charm school attempts to make “proper ladies” out of the contestants from Flavor Flav’s show.   This is more difficult than you would imagine considering that some of these women are strippers…and well, you get the drift.  These women make Eliza Doolittle, in her pre makeover stage, look like Queen Elizabeth.  I digress…

In my favorite episode, Mo’Nique explains to the girls that they will abandon the nicknames given to them by Flavor Flav, in an attempt to “reclaim” themselves.  Each girl comes forward…takes off her name tag with her nickname (Pumkim, Toasteee, etc.) and tosses it in the fire before announcing, with much pomp and circumstance, her “real” name (Sarah, Jean, etc.).

This is the exchange that had me rolling on the floor, laughing:

Mo’Nique:  Come forward! What’s the name that Flavor Flav gave you, girlfriend?

Contestant:  Saaphyri.

Mo’Nique:  Tear off that name tag and throw it in the fire!

(Contestant reluctantly tears off her name tag and throws it in the fire)

Mo’Nique:  O.K., now what’s your real name?

Contestant:  Saaphyri.

(Mo’Nique looks at the camera dumbfounded.)

Mo’Nique:  Say what?!

Contestant:  My real name is Saaphyri.

Mo’Nique:  (quiet for a long time)  Well…hmmmm….O.K……then let me get you a new name tag, Saaphyri.

Could mainstream t.v. be funnier than this?  I don’t think so.  The moment was priceless.  I laughed ’till I cried.

I know. I know.  This kind of stuff can kill your brain cells.  I just need a good laugh now and then.  It’s not like I watch it all of the time.

Oh, for goodness’ sake!  Don’t judge me.

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